Who am I?

8 Jan

That is all I want to know. People claim that they do not want to be defined or labeled, but I find that those people are lying to themselves. Everyone wants to have a definition of self.

This year I took AP English and Drawing and Painting because I like to read, write, and draw. Very excited and enthusiastic was I to get the opportunity to enhance my abilities (Yes, I used passive voice, do something about it). After hearing all my life, “Wow! You’re a great writer” and “Hmm, you seem very creative”, I realize that everyone else in these classes (or at least most people) have been hearing these comments too. As it turns out, there is a another universe, one where the prodigies and connoisseurs fly around in space crafts constructed of their pretentious little intellect.

Now, it seems, all that I knew was not even a portion of the known known by the knowledgeable and I have yet to know any of all that there is to know.

I feel like I’ve been wasting my life playing on the playground, and I am upset and confused.

Am I really “good” at writing? Am I good at anything? Is goodness created by hard work, determination, and patience, therefore am I just being silly and impatient? Do I have any abilities or talents? Is talent even real? I dare say that I do not know who I am.

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